The Problem with Tea and Ladies
by Miss Kitty Kat
Summary: This is a story of the curious relationship between the Mad Hatter, or Reginald, and Alice. Its based on "When Curiousity Met Insanity" and picks up where the story left off. Alice has accepted Reginald's dinner invitation, but will she regret it? Ch 3 up
1. Chapter 1

Disclamier and A/N: This story was based off of and inspired by "When Curiosity Met Insanity," a wonderful world of brilliant artwork, stories and comics about the hatter, Reginald L. Theolphilus III, and an older Alice Liddell by bri chan. You can check out her work on deviantart as bri chan, or her comics on livejournal. This is a continuation of her unfinished comic entitled "The Dance." If you'd like to catch up on the back story of this Hatter and Alice, please browse the comics on her livejournal site: curiousinsane! They're brilliant! However, its not required to enjoy my story - I hope! Don't forget to review; thanks!

**The Problem with Tea and Ladies**

A Work in Progress by Britt, based on "When Curiosity met Insanity"

* * *

**Chapter One**

The March Hare and the Mad Hatter

"She said _what_?!"

"She said yes! Yes, for the hundredth time, my dear fellow, yes! You know, for a rabbit, your hearing isn't very good."

Oh, there was nothing wrong with the March Hare's hearing. Fact was, he just couldn't believe what he was hearing. Seeing the front page story that morning had been hard enough for him. After glimpsing the picture of the dancing couple and the large headline heralding their new, blossoming, so-called love, he could only imagine what the poor girl must have been going through all day. Alice Liddell was a dear friend after all, and he was wary of any man in the kingdom pursuing her. That Jack Sparrow was notorious for taking and breaking hearts almost on a daily basis. But ever since the Mad Hatter had gotten it into his head to woo and court her, the rabbit had been on pins and needles. He'd been surprised enough that the first date for the couple had gone as well as it had. Of course it had been far from perfect, but the two had come out relatively unscathed. But to merit a second date, and so soon at that, was just beyond all belief for him. Unless…

"You bribed her again, didn't you?" the March Hare accused sternly.

The clashing, colorfully dressed man named Reginald L. Theolphilus III, or simply the Mad Hatter, looked rather scandalized at such a notion. His dark brow rose high towards the bill of his over-large, bright green hat, and his mouth fell open in shock. He placed a gloved hand upon his chest somewhat dramatically, his expression turning to one of pure innocence. "You should be ashamed of yourself, Ears! Really, I'm offended that you would assume the only reason Miss Liddell would want to spend time with me is because I forced her to. If I weren't such a forgiving hatter, I might feel upset - yes, terribly upset indeed!"

The March Hare was not amused. "Oh really? Tell me again, Reg; how was it, exactly, that you last convinced Alice to be your date to the dance?"

"That is neither here nor there," Reginald replied calmly, hardly missing a beat.

Oh, but the March Hare remembered the tale quite well. Reginald had awoken Alice in the middle of the night to serenade her like a bad version of Romeo to his Juliet in the famous balcony scene. He'd pursued her, climbing up a tree in an attempt to make his way into her bedroom, but the tree had had other plans in mind. With the cracking of a branch, he was literally seconds from falling to his death, so he'd given her an ultimatum. Poor Alice had accepted it so as to keep him from stupidly hurting himself. And of course, he'd seen nothing wrong at all in getting a date in this manner. He was stubborn to the last.

The March Hare sighed in defeat, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. Reginald very rarely, if ever, saw reason. "Just… remember to stay on your best behavior, alright, Reg? Can't be too forward on a second date, you'll just end up ruining things."

"Would you rather I was too backward, then? Or perhaps too sideways? Upside-down does have its appeal, I must say."

The sad thing was that Reginald was most likely being perfectly serious. Then again, he wasn't called the Mad Hatter for nothing.

"At least tell me you're not planning on wearing _that_ this evening."

Reginald looked shocked yet again as he spun around from the full-length mirror he'd been admiring himself in. Facing the March Hare, he held his arms out, motioning down to what was his normal attire: over-large green hat upon his curly, white-haired head, similarly large, bright orange duster buttoned up over the clashing blue vest, dark pants and large shoes. "Why? What's wrong with it? Not enough… _sparkles_?" He got that look in his eyes, that fond, hopeful look of pure longing that could only mean he was thinking about one of his overly sparkling shirts hanging up in the closet…

"NO! No sparkles!" the March Hare quickly put his foot down as if he were scolding a small child. Reginald might as well have been one, for the way his sanity and maturity level fluctuated so. And he did look rather disappointed, at first… until he glanced back into the mirror and was distracted with his image once again. He returned to posing, quite ridiculously, and flashing toothy smiles, complete with the signature two front buckteeth.

The March Hare sighed again, and could only offer a silent prayer of luck to Miss Liddell.

* * *

Alice Liddell

The hour was now almost six o'clock, and to say that Alice Liddell was nervous was the world's biggest understatement. She was truly beside herself with worry. Why had she accepted Reginald's invitation? How could she possibly survive another evening with him? Oh sure, the dance hadn't been a complete disaster and there had been some nice moments. Swing-dancing with him had been quite enjoyable, however, before the night had ended, he'd tried to kiss her not once, but twice! Being a first, well, almost-date, she had not allowed it. It simply would not have been proper. No matter that close proximity with him had made her pulse quicken and her cheeks warm. He was the Mad Hatter! He was quite mad! There was absolutely no way she could have let him kiss her!

Alice heaved a sigh, glancing up the clock for what was probably the twentieth time in the last minute. Of course, time had neither jumped forward nor backward, although she suddenly found herself wishing it would magically jump to midnight. Then, the date would most certainly be long over and she'd already be home asleep in her warm bed.

Unless… for some reason, so terrible as to be nearly unthinkable to her at the moment, the date was not over by midnight. At this unnerving revelation, Alice's blue eyes widened even more, and her hands clutched the arms of her chair with an even tighter death grip. There she sat stiffly, dressed a bit more modestly than she had the previous evening at the dance. She wore a high-necked, burgundy dress, complete with black lace and a bit of frill, but not too much. The sleeves were long and stopped just past her wrists. She looked like quite the Victorian woman, really. Hardly any skin was revealed, which was just how she preferred it, especially when she was going to be around that man. Her golden hair, so rarely not tumbling free, had been pulled back into an intricate bun. No sooner had she begun to worry and conjure up many alarming reasons why Reginald might still be holding her captive at midnight, that a much too cheerful knock sounded from the door.

After yelping and jumping about a mile into the air in surprise, Alice heard an all too familiar voice accompany that knock.

"Oh, cricket! I'm here!"

He also sounded very chipper, but she found that it did not annoy her. Quite the contrary: it caused her body to slowly begin to relax a little. The voice was familiar, after all. Why should she be nervous about that? Untangling herself from the chair, she took a little breath, regained as much of her composure as she could, then walked over to the door and opened it.

Her nerves instantly returned.

Standing before her was not the Mad Hatter who had wormed his way into another date with her that morning, but the same strange Victorian gentleman from the previous night whose return she had been somewhat fearing. No clashing outfit and no hat, even his white hair had once again been slicked back and held with a tie. The only thing that was familiar was… his vest, worn beneath the dark brown, blue-pinstriped suit jacket. This vest was not the normal blue, but instead one that featured a bright orange splash of color and sparkles. A lot of sparkles. As much as that should have annoyed her, she found it did not. Instead, it almost had her smiling. Almost. This was the Reginald she knew.

And the Reginald she knew was unpredictable as ever. When she opened the door, he had initially begun to greet her. "Why, my dearest Miss… Liddell..." However, he trailed off when he looked up and really saw her. His toothy, slightly buck-tooth prominent smile faltered and his brow rose, bright eyes widening a bit as he froze. Clearly, her appearance could still stun him on the second date.

At first, Alice was surprised, and the nerves and butterflies returned, pounding ever harder beneath her breast, likely to give her a heart attack. Frowning, she self-consciously looked down at her dress. Had she spilt something on it or forgotten to button some buttons? But, no. After a few heartbeats, the frozen, awed Reginald swallowed, then exaggeratedly placed a hand upon his chest, right over his heart. His forehead creased, and he stuck his tongue out of the side of his mouth thoughtfully, as if listening to something that only he could hear in very deep concentration. Alice was bewildered as ever, and she hesitantly began to ask him what he was doing. However, he quickly held out his other hand to ward off any comments she tried to make. Finally, he nodded as if satisfied, then returned to his natural composure.

"Oh yes, there it goes! Terribly sorry about that," he explained smoothly, arching a brow, "you see, my heart skipped a few beats at the very sight of you, and I just had to make sure it was up and going again." Another toothy grin that was rather cocky now returned to his lips as he offered her his arm to escort her to their horse-drawn carriage. "Shall we?"

Oh yes, he certainly thought himself the professional now! Alice wasn't quite sure what she thought of him yet, but his corny comments were rewarded with a very small, if slightly wary smile.

"Ah… yes, thank you," she managed, reaching out to take his arm. Curious as she was to see just where he planned on taking her that evening, she could not help the one dry thought that passed so clearly through her mind at that moment.

Here we go again.

* * *

Alice and Reginald

For the couple, the carriage ride was mostly uneventful... more or less.

Reginald had settled beside Alice into the carriage with a respectable space between them. His gloved hands had been dutifully placed in his lap, fingers entwining and fiddling restlessly with each other. It was all he could do not to carelessly toss an arm around her shoulders as they rode. But, no. Couldn't go ruining things. She was a challenge he did not intend on ruining. Alice was, well, special, as he'd explained to good old Ears, too. And the March Hare had reluctantly agreed, only hesitant because he still hadn't been quite sure how felt about the odd couple. Not that the hatter had known this, of course.

"I'm absolutely delighted you decided to join me this evening, pumpk- Alice," he finally managed, correcting himself from once again calling her by one of his many nicknames.

He looked over at her with those big, hopeful eyes of his... and suddenly inched a bit closer to her. He couldn't help himself, really. His mind had a mind of its own. At least his hands still obeyed him, and didn't remove themselves from his lap. "Do hope you brought a large appetite with you."

Alice, on the other hand, had almost immediately taken up a stiff stance once again, her own hands also in her lap, but gripping the fabric of her dress. She could not help but be extremely aware of their close proximity in the close carriage, despite the space between them. The space seemed to shrink by the minute. Oh, she knew she should have been comfortable with the familiarity she had with the man sitting beside her. However, her mind kept playing tricks on her. This man, after all, did not look like the man she was so used to. No, he looked much too debonair. The proper gentleman. Shouldn't that have made things easier?

When he spoke, she whipped her head around too quickly to face him, eyes wide. Remembering his words, she nodded.

"Yes, of course, I…" she trailed off in equal surprise when he looked at her with those eyes. Oh, no. Was he scooting closer to her? Alice gulped audibly, quickly going into deer - in - the - headlights mode, then forced herself to nod again, this time with a slightly more frenzied air.

That was really the extent of their carriage conversation. Reginald seemed to pick up on her unease, and luckily reminded himself to back off… all the while keeping a positive attitude about things. The night had only just begun, after all. When they had arrived at their destination, Alice was the first to step out of the carriage… and face yet another surprise. This was certainly the biggest yet.

Towering into the sky before her was none other than Cinderella's Castle, there on the park grounds.

Now, the castle's main dining floor served dinner to park guests during the day. Another floor, similar to the main one, however, served only characters like herself and Reginald. But. The food was exquisite and did not come cheap. Not only that, but the castle was a well-known spot for set-in-stone couples - mainly the princes and princesses. As such, Alice never ate there.

Reginald quickly reappeared at Alice's side, bringing her out of her stupefied reverie. When she looked up at him, the worry and nervousness was quite evident upon her flushed expression.

"We're eating _here_?" she squeaked.

Reginald looked very pleased with himself, his chest puffed out proudly. While she was out of her mind with fear, he rather looked forward to flaunting this lovely woman upon his arm. He nodded, offering her his arm again. Alice took it hesitantly while wondering if it was too late to say she'd forgotten that she had to wash her hair tonight and would he please take her home. Instead, she forced herself to be strong, silently hoping that it would all be over very soon.

With the castle decorated as beautiful and lavishly as it was, the large dining room was certainly no different. The sound of dinner conversation and silverware being used hit Alice's ears first before they walked in. Immediately, she felt under-dressed. Ariel and Prince Eric were sitting at a nearby table, both dressed in their finest. At another table was Snow White and her prince, looking equally nice. Alice wanted very much to hurry past these tables to their own, but unfortunately, Reginald had other plans in mind.

Whose to say what, exactly, he was thinking, but then again, he was the mad hatter. The world would probably never know.

"Hullo there, Red! How's the fish taste today? Splendid, splendid!" he hollered out, although there really was no need to shout, resulting in Ariel sending him a death glare that he ignored. She was not eating fish, of course, but that hadn't stopped him from declaring that she was.

His short attention span turned to Snow White and her Prince as he paused by their table. He detached himself from Alice long enough to clap the prince heartily on the shoulder.

"Hello, ol' chap! Good to see you... say, you don't mind, do you?" Reginald had suddenly reached over across the table to snatch up White's spoon, hardly waiting for an answer from either. He held it up to his face, frowned, then opened his mouth wide and breathed once on the spoon heavily. Then, he reached up and polished the spoon with his sleeve. Now that it was good and clean, he examined his reflection in the spoon, his free hand going up to primp his hair while his teeth bared a big grin. He gave one nod of satisfaction, before -

"Why yes, I am still the fairest of them all!" he proudly announced, the inflection of his voice rising characteristically when he spoke. He returned the spoon to a now fully disgusted and outraged Snow White, before turning back to Alice, offering his arm once again. Of course, he failed to notice that the Prince had to hold his rather put-off princess back from attacking Reg. "Come, my dear!"

He finally led her to their very own table, leaving the others to whisper and gossip in varying degrees of irritation behind their backs. Not that he noticed, of course.

As for Alice, throughout this entire ordeal… well, she looked purely horrified, naturally. She'd been too embarrassed to look at any of the princes and princesses to even begin apologizing for her date's behavior. He hadn't meant a word of it, and no doubt it had all been done in good fun, but they were none the wiser. Not only that, but the hatter and Alice has been "outed" as a so-called couple that day in the paper. It didn't matter how true or untrue it was, it was there, and everyone knew, and then he had to go and behave like this, so now she was completely frazzled. As such, Alice ducked her head down and hurried after Reginald to their table.

It was going to be a long evening.

* * *

A/N: Don't forget to review! More to come soon!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclamier and A/N: This story was based off of and inspired by "When Curiosity Met Insanity," a wonderful world of brilliant artwork, stories and comics about the hatter, Reginald L. Theolphilus III, and an older Alice Liddell by bri chan. You can check out her work on deviantart as bri chan, or her comics on livejournal. This is a continuation of her unfinished comic entitled "The Dance." If you'd like to catch up on the back story of this Hatter and Alice, please browse the comics on her livejournal site: curiousinsane! They're brilliant! However, its not required to enjoy my story - I hope! Don't forget to review; thanks! And now, the insanity continues!

**The Problem with Tea and Ladies**

A Work in Progress by Britt, based on "When Curiosity met Insanity"

* * *

**Chapter Two**

_Alice and Reginald  
__  
_

When they reached their table, Reginald was quite the gentleman by helping Alice scoot into her chair first. He flashed a charming grin at the somewhat surprised young lady.

"Thank you," she said politely, at least remembering her own manners enough to snap her jaw back shut. Her mother would have surely gotten onto her for catching flies with her mouth open like that. Reginald flourished a bow, before moving to his own seat. There was no stopping the slight, amused little smile that pulled at the corners of her lips, although she tried to stifle it. Funny how she could be embarrassed and furious at him one minute, then slightly charmed the next…

She didn't have much time to ponder upon this, however, when their waiters arrived. The three plump penguins wore bow-ties with their natural, black and white penguin suits. With a flurry of movement, they bustled hurriedly over and around one another, sliding and skidding to a halt beside the table. Alice recognized them as friends of Mary Poppins and Bert, and she giggled lightly when one took her hand in his flipper and bent his beak down to kiss it. Another penguin, looking annoyed at the antics of his friend, bumped him out of the way… only to take Alice's hand in his flipper and kiss it, too!

"Come now, boys - leave a little bit of my date for me!" Reginald huffed in a good-natured manner, but his words made Alice immediately go rigid and blush. With that, the penguins hurriedly deposited glasses of water and menus for the couple, before moving away to their next table.

Alice opened her menu and pretended to be quite interested in it, even bending her head down to hide behind it some. Reginald sighed unhappily at her actions, and opened his own menu, turning it… upside down. Try as she might to ignore this, it caught her attention and she frowned.

"Reginald, how in the world are you…?"

He looked up at her over his menu, pleased that she was speaking to him again and smiling much too eagerly. "What was that, Alice?"

She hesitated, then shook her head. "Never mind."

Looking somewhat dejected, he slumped a bit in his chair again and looked back at his menu. They were quiet for a moment while deciding what to eat that evening, when Alice heard giggling coming from a nearby table. She would have ignored it… if she hadn't heard her name and Reginald's spoken midst the laughter. Brow arching suspiciously, she turned around to see who it was. The moment she spotted the three silly blond Frenchwomen, however, they quickly turned back around as if they hadn't been looking right at her and gossiping about her. Alice narrowed her eyes, but her attention was captured by someone else. She looked over just in time to catch Ariel and Snow White looking at her, pointing, and whispering. When the two were caught, they quickly turned away. Alice frowned, but forced herself to return to and focus on the menu in her hands. Staring was impolite, after all.

"I can't believe it! This is an outrage!" Reginald said grumpily and quite suddenly, causing the tense Alice to jump in surprise.

"What?"

Not seeming to notice her uptight behavior, he frowned indignantly, gesturing to his menu. "No tea, there's no good tea! What do they expect us to drink?"

Alice blinked in surprise. Clearly, Reginald had not noticed what she had noticed. Trying to calm herself down, she replied in a patient tone.

"I would imagine wine. That's what people usually drink in fine restaurants like this one."

Reginald made a face. "Wine? Well, that's just plain silly! Whoever heard of drinking wine with dinner?"

Alice shook her head lightly, but settled a bit more easily in her chair. This was not, perhaps, the most polite kind of conversation one should have on a dinner date, but it was comfortable, and it was Reginald, so she didn't expect anything less. Unknowingly, a wry little smile was playing about her lips.

"We'll ask the waiters for their best tea when they return," she soothed him, "and if they don't have any, we'll have a tea party tomorrow."

That certainly cheered Reginald up, both the idea of a tea party, and a tea party with Alice. He beamed over at her so much that she blushed lightly and looked back at her menu. Oh yes, he was certainly convinced he was wearing her down. The March Hare would be begging for forgiveness for ever doubting him.

Suddenly, Alice noticed something flash out of the corner of her eye. All at once, tension returned to her stance and she suspiciously whipped her head about to see what it was, but she was a second too late. She saw nothing, save the enchanted piano playing away. A frown puzzled her features as she turned back to her dinner companion. If anyone could spot something shiny or flashy, it was him.

"Reginald, did you see something flashing over by the piano? Perhaps something shiny?"

He looked up at her, brow raising excitedly at the prospect of something sparkly.

"No, where? What was it? _Can I have it_?" he asked over-eagerly.

Alice sighed a bit and shook her head. "Oh… no, never mind. It was nothing; I must be seeing things."

Reginald looked crestfallen, and then indignant. "Don't tease me like that, cricket."

"Reginald, don't be ridiculous," she rolled her eyes dryly.

"But… Ridiculous is my middle name!"

"I thought your middle name started with an 'L'… speaking of which, what is your middle name, anyway?"

"… Lover," he purred, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at her.

She quirked a brow, but couldn't help but smirk slightly.

"Seriously now, Reginald; I'm curious."

"Well, you know what curiosity did to the cat…"

"Please?"

"Get used to disappointment, Alice."

Alice was wondering why the hatter seemed so against his middle name that he wouldn't tell her, when she saw the flash again, except this time it was somewhere behind and over Reginald's shoulder. She focused behind him, but an indoor, planted tree was in the way, blocking her view.

"There it is again, behind you this time! I know I saw something!"

Reginald was thinking that Alice was acting very strangely. He was about to suggest that perhaps she was quickly becoming the mad one here, when he saw that same flash behind her. However, he also saw where it was coming from. An excited grin lit up his expression and he stood, pointing delightedly.

"Alice, look! They're taking our picture! Ooo, let's POSE!"

Alice suddenly found herself being pulled to her feet by Reginald as he did indeed strike a pose: his dramatic 'vogue' pose. She refrained from joining him. Her frenzied, searching gaze finally focused on all the people with the flashing cameras.

What in the world…?

_Paparazzi?!  
_  
The newspaper article from that morning explained it all, of course. That's why they were all here, stalking the controversial couple.

As reporters by the dozen suddenly poured out from their hiding places, Alice's eyes went wide and she was frozen to the spot in humiliation beside her date. Reginald was enjoying the publicity far too much, and struck just about every pose he could think of, all the while keeping one arm snug around Alice. And that's when the questions started coming.

"Mr. Theolphilus - "

"The Third!" Reginald corrected him oh-so-helpfully.

"... okay, Mr. Theolphilus the _Third_, is it true that you two are officially a couple?"

Reginald was all too eager to start replying to said questions, which he did with every ounce of charm, flair, and smooth wit that he could muster.

"We are very happy together, thank you, very happy indeed!"

Alice was too shocked and blinded to make a retort or correction. The questions kept coming.

"Miss Liddell, what does it feel like to be dating a man who has had romantic affairs with just about every female in the kingdom?"

"Well, I… um…" she could hardly get her meager words out, before a reporter interrupted her.

"Mr. Theolphilus, aren't you afraid one of your ex-flings will become insanely jealous and attack Miss Lidell?"

"Nonsense!" Reginald laughed heartily. "I'm still friends with all my ex-girls, silly! They wouldn't hurt a hair on my dear cricket's head!"

Inside Alice's head, she was screaming in protest.

"Mr. Theolphilus, is it true you first became romantically involved with Miss Lidell when she visited Wonderland as a child?"

…well, that one certainly caught Reginald off guard. As if in sync, his and Alice's eyebrows shot to the sky in shock and surprise at the absurdity of the offending question. Alice's cheeks reddened deeply, and she suddenly wished that he would drop his arm that was wrapped around her. At that moment, she very much wanted to disappear from the face of the earth.

"How dare you!" Reginald cleared his throat, and putting on a firm expression as if defending his princess' honor. "That's… that's… quite inappropriate, really! Now, next question, please!"

"Miss Liddell, does the Mad Hatter wear boxers or briefs?"

That one did it - that was the last straw. Alice's blushing expression finally turned to one of fury, her blue eyes narrowing threateningly.

"That's it! I can't take this any longer! NO MORE QUESTIONS!" Alice tore herself from Reginald, pushing him away. She glared at him heatedly. "This is HARDLY the proper etiquette one should observe on a date! Good night, Mr. Theolphilus - I'm _leaving_!"

Reginald's expression was one of shock and utter surprise. At first, he could only watch as Alice turned and stormed away towards the nearest exit, pushing her way through the crowds and ignoring the flashing of cameras. What had just happened here? He thought things had been going so well! And they were getting so much attention! Quickly coming to his senses and realizing she was getting away, he chased after her. Unfortunately, there was a crowd of people in his way now, hoping to get more pictures of him and questions answered.

"Cricket!" he called, jumping up and down in an attempt to see her over the heads of two large men standing there in his way. "Pumpkin!" Hop. "Snookums!" Another hop, bigger this time as he tried to jump atop none other than Gaston's shoulders, a la piggyback. "WAIT!!"

The Frenchman, who had ditched his dinner dates, the three blondes, with the hopes that Alice would now be free for the taking, particularly his, was not in the mood to give Reginald a lift. The hatter was deposited unceremoniously upon the floor… where he conveniently realized he might get past easier by crawling around or through people's legs. As it was, he finally made it outside, just in time to catch up with Alice on the steps of the palace.

"Cupcake, stop!"

Alice finally did stop, whirling around to face him suddenly. Not expecting the abrupt halt, he just narrowly avoided running into her. She let loose her feelings on him instantly, however, practically blowing him away with the fury in her voice.

"I am NOT your cupcake, or your cricket, or your… anything!" she exclaimed, strangely intimidating for someone decidedly shorter than him.

"But… lemon drop…"

"NO! No more nicknames! I can't do this! We are not together, and you had no right to make those reporters think that we were!"

"What, that? Oh, that was all in good fun," Reginald chuckled uneasily, but it died away at the look upon her face.

"I can't pretend like things are going to work out fine between us when I know that nagging voice in the back of my mind telling me they're not is right!" she continued heatedly.

Reginald frowned, trying to wrap his own mind around what she was saying. "Alice, now you're not making any sense here…" He arched a brow pointedly. "I would strongly advise against listening to these voices inside your head. More often than not, they haven't the faintest idea what they're talking about, I assure you, I would know…"

"We're too different, Reginald!" she blurted out impatiently before she could stop herself, interrupting him. His face immediately fell, but she tried not to notice it. She refused to let him throw her off balance now. "You're just too much for me! I didn't sign up for this! I was born into a proper family and brought up as a proper lady expected to marry a proper gentleman, and then have a… proper family of my own!" She looked a bit frustrated at being unable to think of a synonym for 'proper,' but shook her head angrily and moved on. "And YOU…! You are this completely infuriating thing who constantly acts inappropriately and has the attention span and maturity level of a small child!" She glared, pointing a finger right in his face. "And worst of all, _I NEVER GET TO DRINK ANY TEA AT YOUR STUPID TEA PARTIES!"_

Reginald looked flustered and taken aback, especially when she insulted his beloved tea parties, but it was fleeting. Two could play at this game. Almost instantly, 'bicker mode' clicked in, and he got right back into her face. They were nearly nose to nose now. "Well, YOU, my dear, are an exceptionally selfish, spoiled, and bratty little _SNOB_!"

She gasped, quite clearly offended, but he wasn't done.

"HOWEVER," he pointed a finger into the air, "I was willing to set all this aside and court you, anyway!"

Snap, flash. The cameras were still going wild, but the couple didn't seem to notice.

Alice's mouth jaw fell open. "How in the world do you think you even have the RIGHT to say something like that to me?"

He ignored her question. "You prance around with your nose in the air like you're simply better than everyone else! 'Oh, look at me, I'm Alice _Pleasance _Liddell and I'm the primmest and proper-est girl in all the land! Everyone should want to be just like me, because its all about ME! Me, me, me! I don't like you, Mr. Mad Hatter, you're not prissy enough to be in my presence!' " Yes, Reginald had taken on a high pitched, sing-song voice, quite clearly mimicking Alice, and held up ends of his jacket tails like they were the ends of a dress, twirling and curtsying. Alice's cheeks reddened even more and her eyes narrowed further, almost into dangerous slits, but he didn't care. He dropped the act, rolling his eyes.

"Pleasance, HA! More like Alice _Pigheaded _Liddell!" he shot back. Alice looked just about ready to explode.

"How dare you! That's hardly a civil thing to say, and furthermore…!"

"What happened to the girl I danced with last night?" he interrupted her yet again, quite exasperated this time, gesturing with his hands up in the air. "She wasn't trying to be like all the humdrum, brainless princesses that make up 99.9% of the female population around here!"

A couple said princesses gasped nearby, with a twittering chorus of "Well, I never!" and "How Rude!" They were easily ignored by Alice and Reginald.

"She was great fun! For just a few brief moments, she knew how to let loose without a care in the world! She knew how to let her hair down!" Reginald couldn't help it, and he reached out to touch her hair that was pulled back into that tight bun, but she quickly slapped his hand away before he could. He sighed, and started to grow somewhat serious, his voice quieting but remaining intense in his rather clear moment of lucidity. "That's the girl I very much wanted to spend an evening with because that's the girl you really are, Alice. You're just too stubborn to let her out."

Alice didn't say anything for a few heartbeats, merely glared over at him… but Reginald could have sworn something about her demeanor had changed. He waited with bated breath, hoping he had gotten through. She looked down, unfurling her fingers from the fists at her sides, and let out a little breath. When she looked back up at him, her expression was calmer, but there was no mistaking the icy tint to her blue eyes. She stepped closer to him, lowering her voice.

"As soon as I returned to Wonderland and I met you again, your irrationality, arrogance, and sheer recklessness made me realize you were the last man I would _ever_ consider fraternizing with romantically," she hissed. "Tonight was a mistake and I can assure you I will not have another lapse in judgment like this one again. From now on, I want you to stay away from me."

Reginald wanted to send a retort back at her, or say something, anything, but found he could not. While they were not her best or most 'colorful,' the cold piercing of her sharp words cut him deep.

But then, suddenly… something strange happened.

Their gazes met with a slightly different intensity than before. For a split second or two, Alice seemed to sway a bit upon her feet, leaning forward ever so slightly… and closer to Reginald. Her eyes glanced down from his eyes to his lips, both so close to her own… and her previous intentions of refusing and abusing him seemed to falter a bit. His brow rose lightly in hopeful realization, eyes softening. The moment he leaned forward to meet her halfway, one gloved hand reaching out to touch her, however… she seemed to come back to her senses. With a blink of her blue eyes, the fleeting moment was instantly gone. Her face flushed as she remembered they were not alone and her gaze darted frantically about her, taking in the sight of the crowd still gathered around them, and all the cameras still flashing away. Not daring to give him another look, she quickly turned and fled the scene.

Reginald opened his mouth to call out her name… but it was no use. His brow furrowed and shoulders slumped as he watched her disappear into the night. With her retreat, he also saw his last chance slipping away for good. Perhaps the March Hare had been right about him and Alice. And just like that, the world around him came crashing back, and the voice of a nearby reporter met his ears.

"Mr. Theolphilus! Why aren't you chasing after her?"

As Reginald stood there, still staring in the direction she had disappeared, he did not reply aloud. However, in his mind the answer to the question was clear as night from day.

_Because I'm not her prince._

* * *

To be continued...!

A/N: In this last scene, I was inspired to write in a direct reference paying tribulte to a well-known scene from the lovely Pride and Prejudice movie starring Keira Knightley and Matthrew Macfayden. Anyone who correctly spots it gets a gold star! And don't forget to keep those reviews coming!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclamier and A/N: As always, this story was based off of and inspired by "When Curiosity Met Insanity," a wonderful world of brilliant artwork, stories and comics about the Mad Hatter, Reginald L. Theolphilus III, and an older Alice Liddell by bri_chan. Of course, I do not own any characters from Alice in Wonderland, or Disney characters in my story.

Thank you so much for all the reviews, as well as those who have put this on story alert or favorites! Many of you were correct about the Pride and Prejudice - based scene from the last chapter. Hope you enjoy the next chapter!

* * *

**  
Chapter Three**

_Belle…_

"Isn't there someone else you should be talking to?"

It was not the first time Belle had asked that question in a mere matter of minutes. Even for the sweet, good-natured Frenchwoman… there was only so much patience one could have. She had been minding her own business, going through another day of work at her bookshop, when HE came in. Oh, she was used to seeing him in the shop, but not when he had the intentions of talking to her and not her blonde friend and coworker.

_…and Reginald._

"She left me! Just like that, she left me!"

"Yes, I do believe I heard you the first ten times you said it…"

This was definitely going to be one of those days. "Walked right out on me when our date was clearly not finished - just like that! Very rude, indeed! You'd think she was a little child ruining my tea party all over again…"

Belle arched a brow. "I think there was more to her leaving than just that."

Reginald ignored her, or at least seemed to have not heard her. It was a toss-up, really. He looked at her excitedly quite suddenly, as if an idea had struck him. You could practically see the light bulb coming on above his head. "But… you! You're her friend!"

"Well, yes, yes I am, but… you do have friends of your own."

"I can't very well talk to Ears. Why, he's just crazy, that one. Always sides with Alice."

"But, the March Hare is your friend, Mr. Theolphilus…"

"…the third!" he corrected. "And you, my dear Miss Belle, are quite clearly a girl!" Reginald paused in his protesting to frown thoughtfully, and a bit too seriously. "Unless Ears has been keeping something from me…"

Belle sighed, turning away to return another book from the load in her arm onto a shelf. Unfortunately, that morning she had heard about the failed date not from Reginald or Alice, but from the Kingdom's daily news. Another front page story for the poor, ill-fated couple. Now, the entire Kingdom would know of the scandal that was Alice Liddel and Reginald L. Theolphilus the third. Of course, Belle was certain most of the inhabitants had already known; it wasn't like Reginald was very secretive with his attempts at wooing the young woman. But this was… well, it was terrible, really, truly cruel and heartless of the newspaper, and she felt bad for her friend. Alice hadn't yet shown up at the bookstore that day, and Belle didn't blame her. No doubt it was hard for her to show her face outside her house. But she had wanted to talk to her, to comfort her, or at least be a shoulder to cry on… well, until the hatter had shown up, of course. Now, she couldn't send enough silent prays that Alice would NOT go to the bookstore, not with him there.

"You and I aren't exactly… well, what I mean to say is…" Belle shrugged, trying to figure out how to put it delicately. "We're hardly just acquaintances, I'm afraid."

"Never mind that," Reginald returned from his thoughtful reverie and hopefully clutched Belle's arm, almost pulling her off balance. "You're a girl, and you know her better than anyone, therefore you've got to tell me what to do!"

Still trying to maintain her cool, she attempted to withdraw his death grip from her arm. "Actually, I'm afraid I really do not have to tell you anything," she disagreed, "because Alice and I are friends, and I have to respect her wishes."

"But her wish is to be with me! She just… doesn't know it yet!" he grinned

Belle shook her head gently. "I read the paper. I know what happened last night. I'm sorry, but I think her wishes right now are quite clear."

Reginald's face fell and he withdrew his hand, thrusting it, along with the other, into his pockets. With a defeated air, he toed the ground, and for that moment, he looked rather forlorn and pathetic. For that moment, Belle's heart went out to him. Well, she always had been an overly sweet, compassionate woman.

"Last night was not at all how I had planned our date would go," he sighed quietly, shoulders slumped.

Belle frowned, wondering at his sincerity. She ducked her head a bit, so she could see his eyes and search them thoughtfully. "You really do like her, don't you? This isn't just about achieving a new conquest?"

Reginald gasped, looking back up rather sharply and defensively. "A new conquest?" He pointed a finger at her accusingly. "You've been talking to Ears, haven't you? The little traitorous fur ball…"

Belle rolled her eyes lightly and shook her head. So much for that. "Look, if you really like her, then just give it some time, and Reginald… look at me, please, this is very important: DO NOT stalk her. I think what she needs now is some space, all to herself."

Reginald did not look convinced. "Could you at least talk to her for me? Give her a message from me?"

Belle hesitated. "I… suppose so."

"Tell her she's still my cricket."

"Reg - Mr. Theolphilus, I don't think that's the best thing to …"

"Tell her I'm sorry, and that..." he interrupted, trailing off before scrunching his eyes shut and forcing himself to spit out the next bit rather quickly, "she can have all the tea in the world if she'll give me a second chance."

Belle bit her lower lip to keep herself from continuing her previous statement, and blinked in surprise, caught off guard. It might have seemed silly, but she knew giving away that much tea was a big deal for the hatter. Well, it was a simple message, after all. Couldn't hurt things too much, right?

"Alright," she finally nodded slowly.

As he slunk out of the store dejectedly, she found herself a bit sad to think that the simple message would probably not be enough to fix things.

* * *

_Alice Liddell_

Alice Liddell had not gone to the bookshop yet that day. Actually, she had not really left her house at all, but with very good reason. That morning, she had woken up feeling rather refreshed. The previous evening's damage was starting to feel undone. The entire ordeal already felt as if it had only been a bad dream, already fading away the less she thought about it. So, she began to go about her morning as usual, feeding Dinah and starting some tea for herself, before going outside to retrieve the newspaper.

That's when it happened. That's when her day immediately took a turn downhill.

As she bent over to pick up the rolled-up paper, she chanced to glance casually across the street… only to do a double-take. There, on a park bench, sat Pocahontas. It was not at all a scary image in itself, since she was a peaceful Indian - Native American, actually. (Alice had to inwardly remind herself that some residents of the Kingdom were politically correct.) What made Alice uneasy was the fact that the dark-skinned beauty was in the act of sharpening a deadly-looking spear. When Pocahontas seemed to notice Alice looking her way, she plastered on a smile and waved to her - with the hand holding the spear. Her smile, however, was not entirely pleasant. At all. Alice somehow managed to return a nervous smile, but it was brief, and faded instantly when she spotted another woman nearby.

Another dark-skinned beauty, the gypsy Esmerelda, stood near the park bench and was practicing some moves… but they were not of the dancing kind. They were clearly fighting moves involving a sword.

But that wasn't all. The third member of the "hunting party" was one Alice already associated with war. Kida had proved herself to be quite the capable warrior in her past, after all. There was no mistaking the malice and hatred in her eyes as she carefully took aim with her spear, then threw it, squarely hitting the bullseye of a target attached to a nearby tree.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Alice caught sight of yet another intimidating woman. The blonde Helga was there, too, of course, and she was cleaning out her gun.

That certainly did it. Although this all took place across the street, Alice was far from comforted. After practically fleeing back into her house, nearly slipping on one of her slippers in the process, her fears were soon confirmed.

She unrolled the newspaper. It was another front page story.

The title read in huge, bold letters, screaming out at her: _The Kingdom's Hottest New Couple!_

Underneath was a picture of Reginald grinning like an idiot, his arm wrapped around a less than enthusiastic Alice.

_"Boxers or Briefs?"_ the article began. _"Last night, Miss Liddel implied that he goes commando…"_

Alice squeaked in shock, her cheeks going bright red in a furious blush. She dropped the paper, unable to read anymore of the embarrassing lies. Her mind was reeling.

Outside her house were four extremely jealous 'femme fatales," somewhere a Mad Hatter who was undoubtedly gloating… and an entire Kingdom who had now probably dubbed Alice the "Scarlet Letter" woman. She wasn't sure which of the three terrified her the most.

After quickly locking all the doors and windows, Alice went back to bed where she planned to stay for the rest of the day, and however long it took to weather the storm.

* * *

A little while later, someone was knocking on Alice's locked door. She dutifully ignored it, hiding under the covers and silently pleading for the person, or persons, probably with sharp items in tow, to go away… until it moved to her bedroom window, causing her to jump in surprise. Being on the second floor, she was reasonably wary to find out who it was. Surely Reginald would not try that trick again, right?

In the end, curiosity got the better of her. It always did. Getting up and out of bed, she went to the window. After taking a deep breath, she flung aside the curtains to see… someone she had not expected to see. Relief washed over her as she opened the window to let the green-clad boy fly in.

"Peter! What on earth are you doing here?"

Peter Pan landed smoothly on her bedroom floor, smiling broadly. "I came to see you, of course!" he replied simply.

She couldn't help but smile at his childlike glee and innocence.

"That's very kind of you, Peter, but I'm quite alright. I don't need any cheering up today."

Peter frowned in confusion. "Why would you need cheering up? Are you sad?"

Alice peered up at him in bewilderment. "You don't know? You didn't read the paper today?"

"Nah, reading newspapers is boring," he shook his head in disgust… before pointing a finger at her accusingly. "Say… was it that old guy? Did he do something to make you sad? Because if he did, I'll show him…" His hand fell instinctively to the hilt of his sword.

Alice shook her head quickly, not eager to explain it all to Peter. No doubt he'd get mad and go challenge said old guy, better known as Reginald, and she wasn't too keen on finding out how that would go. The boy had guessed partially right about her troubles, but she didn't want him to know that.

"No, please don't, Peter," she forced a light smile, holding her arms out at her sides, hands open. "Look - see? I'm fine, really."

While he didn't look completely convinced, he did return his sword to his belt. Even though he had probably only wanted a reason to battle someone with swords, Alice was still touched by Peter's reaction to her bad mood. As she'd thought similarly about him at the dance, she found it sweet.

With such thoughts in her head, an idea struck her. She hesitated only briefly before proposing it to him.

"Peter, would you... take me flying?" she asked tentatively. "To Neverland, maybe? I just need to get away from this place for a little while."

Peter looked momentarily surprised. Sure, he had taken Wendy flying many times, but never Alice. However, he quickly grinned, deciding he liked her idea. "Sure! Just think of a happy thought, Alice."

Realizing that she was looking right at her happy thought, Alice soon discovered that her idea had indeed been a good one.

* * *

  
To be continued!

A/N: Peter Pan's comment about Reginald, calling him 'the old guy' was actually inspired from a video on youtube taken at Disneyland. In it, face character Peter Pan is following around another face character, the Mad Hatter, and calls him 'the old guy.' Its very amusing, so I had to include it.


	4. Chapter 4

Authors Note: Sadly, this is not a real update. Before you start throwing things at your computer screen, however, let me humbly explain: real life has been kicking my butt lately. I'm going on the last month and a half of the spring semester of graduate school. I have not given up on this story and I fully intend to work on the next chapter once I have some free time – most likely in May. I'm also going on a trip to Disneyworld in June, which will probably get the creative juices flowing as well! Meanwhile, I'd like to thank you all for the lovely, LOVELY reviews and comments, as well as for those of you who have added this to their favorite stories lists and story alerts. It means a lot to me that my story is being enjoyed.

Miya Sparrow, dear: I'm sorry to have almost made you cry! It was a bittersweet scene to write.

procrazedfan: I would absolutely LOVE to see the fanart you drew based on the last scene! Let me know if you could possibly scan it and email it to me!

Everyone else: thanks again and expect the next chapter to come soon!


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